16

I wish it were 16 hours till Corvallis, or a $16 Starbucks card, or 16 brothers and sisters, or nieces and nephews, or 16 people I shared the gospel with...

but alas, it is 16 cavities....of different levels..
not fun.

This made for an awful day yesterday...as my dad lectured me in the car how we don't have $2000 out of pocket money for this...you need to care about your teeth more...and then how i started bawling and then he felt awful....under the circumstances he was probably a lot more calm than I would have been. And then I felt like a jerk that it was partly-mainly my fault he would have to pay all that money....and me feeling guilty about not having a job, on and on.
And then more healing issues come up...but now, they've become sweet times to me. Painful, but times where I feel the Presence so thick and feel Him holding me and speaking truth to me I have never realized before.

On a more positive note, I had a 3 hr dentist appt today to get 4 fillings done--one super deep one that they said might need a root canal--which produced a lot of fear initially...but then the Lord invaded with His peace. First of all I got to listen to music, which was very calming, and then I ended up not needing the root canal, and then there was extra time so I got 4 more teeth done (saving money because today was the last day insurance covered) and then the dentists kept saying funny things...mine and the one next to us that I was laughing uncontrollably (with 100 things in my mouth) and it was actually an enjoyable time. TALK ABOUT HIS MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY MORNING!! :) And the Joy of the Lord...oh it's a beautiful thing.
Anyways....good stuff going on....a lot of conviction, a lot--tons, actually..of the grace of God, lots of hope, lots of excitement, gobs of blessings...I'm so blessed.

Hoping next time the cavity count will be at least under 10 ;)

This was humbling.

Romance blah blah blah blah blah

I've been thinking about relationships and such a lot more since so many of my friends/acquaintances are getting engaged and married and dating..
Never having dated before I am still clueless about a lot of things... pondering the future and such, I've been a little overwhelmed at the balance of wanting to hold out for the one God has for me (if there is even one), and holding high standards, etc, vs. not being too picky, not expecting him to be like I expected, being somewhat disappointed,  etc.  Does that makes sense?
I'm pretty sure i haven't met him yet, and it will probably be a long time before i have to worry about any of this, but I'm realizing I still have a lot of fear that either I will never meet him or that I will marry the "wrong" person or....on and on.
What scares me is finally dating someone when I'm, say, 22 years old, and having so much pressure to feel like he is the one, and not wanting to have multiple relationships first, and wondering if there's another one better suited for me....such an unknown world.
Side note, I've felt a little implied pressure from  family members about dating someone, because in every way it would appear we were destined for each other. Even though I know it's not supposed to be, it makes me wonder if I am being too picky and holding out for someone that doesn't exist...but I really am not holding drastically unrealistic expectations on someone..I know the greatest man in the world couldn't satisfy me to the level God takes me.

I guess I have a few questions, if anyone has any feedback/experience/wisdom...

~Is it hindering to have a few basic "rules" for the one i marry? (loves the Lord more than me/has a hunger to grow more in the Lord, someone who pursues me and adores me, mutual attraction, enjoy spending time together like best friends, compatible giftings/passions/dreams to give most glory to God, and a desire for children) I don't think it is, but just checking....:)

~Does God ever put a strong desire in someone for marriage/kids who never receives it?

~Is there really ONE person out there that would be the best for you?

~Is it better to be single than to marry someone that isn't completely right for you?

~Is it better to have a casual outlook on dating (esp. for the first time at a later age) and not expect to marry the first person you date, or should you be more serious about each decision?

Obviously i have my own opinions about these but I guess I would appreciate someone else's.
I don't really like to write sappy posts that often, so sorry! ;-)
Tis the season.....

Mish Mash of Christmas Eve Thoughts

For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

{john 3:16}

Undoubtedly a verse I've had memorized since I was about 6, but a verse that keeps striking me in new ways, even at 20 (still can't believe I'm 20!)

God loved the world so much.......
despite all the sins that contaminated our lives. He saw through all the crap and all the humanity and flaws and hurt and everything that was a result of our sinful nature.

His love was unwaverable. And IS unwaverable.
A love that "loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes". And this all gave Him great pleasure. {eph. 1:4}

I just love that He loved us before he chose us. I mean, He made us, and obviously knows every single detail about us. Knows every decision we make. Every thought. Every facial expression.
He loved us because we were the spitting image of Him--through the power of Jesus, we appeared righteous. 
He didn't choose us....then think, "Yah right. What was I thinking." And then somehow love us in an obligatory way.
I'm just thinking about when I become a mother and will just stare at my baby, my toddler, my child....delighting in the features that look like me and my husb.
I see God looking down at us and oohing over us. How we are made like Him, each person bearing different quirks and gifts and personalities that reveal a great deal about who He is. This makes Him happy. You give Him joy!!!
The funny thing is , I think we understand just a very small fraction of how we are made to be like Him.

Not exactly sure where this post was going, I guess I'm getting a little tired, but just wanted to share the Lord has captured my heart again.....
despite the zillion times I've messed up lately, HE WANTS TO GIVE ME LIFE, and life abundantly, and just for believing Him......
I just want to live my whole life as a giant mirror that I BELIEVE IN HIM!!!
Surrender...surrender...surrender...

Hope you have a very blessed Christmas celebrating Jesus' birth and presence in your life.....even though one holiday is not nearly enough for Him.

Suse

Singleness~TWO

Lately I have been very grateful to be able to sleep whenever I please; for me, it is staying up till 3am and sleeping in till 1, and I am not taking it for granted. Although I will be very grateful for the time in my life when I am sleep deprived/early bird/etc due to precious children/having a job/being married, I am basking in the era in my life where I have so much freedom. Carefree. A little lazy. A little spoiled.

Trying to look on the positive side.

His Mercies are New

To my prayer warriors, thank you soo much for your prayers and words of encouragement/wisdom. I appreciate you guys so much.
Well, last night Jesus caught quite a few tears for His bottle, but today I felt a million times better. And my heart is awakened to places that need healing and learned that I need to be a bit more active in bringing them to His feet and praying, praying, praying, seeking, seeking, seeking, knocking, knocking, knocking. I need to talk to other people. ETC. I guess the hurt gets pushed way down when I am in my Corvallis-Fairytale Land. (loving environment, loving sisters, little to no conflict, no reminders of my past and the problems that still exist).
Being home is good. It is hard, but good. Tears ARE healing, and as I felt the Lord's presence last night I heard him say "This is good for you. You need to do this. Just cry it all out. I'm sorry, sweetie..."etc.
13 more days here.
One thing that made today great was that one of my best friends, Amy (who's parents and home are like my own) got ENGAGED today!!!! I was soo ecstatic for her, my heart bursting in excitement, jumping up and down, probably won't sleep tonight. (I don't want to think about myself getting engaged....heart attack! ;) Their story is so cool...partly because we both met him on the same day when we went to the state fair! Love how the Lord works.....it's always a little bittersweet though. Another friend getting married=less time with that person. But it's natural and seasons of life and all that. Must learn to lose my selfishness :)
Well now that I'm blabbering away I better stop....but thanks again and may you be richly blessed.
suse

Not Done

...healing yet.
I just want to ask for a lot of prayer in these couple of weeks of break. My heart is breaking and exposing things I didn't know where there, or still there...a lot of stuff mainly from my parent's divorce. Tonight the tears just won't stop flowing....need to spend more time with Jesus...but yah I would just really covet your prayers......
healing is just not so fun sometimes.
thank you.

Feeling so..

inspired, encouraged, refreshed, excited, and grateful today...

I am so grateful that I have a sphere of influence in every single phase of life... with all that access I have to the Kingdom and all, everything about my life is spiritual and sacred and has room to change society and change lives.....

I guess my mindset has always been once I am....(married, have kids, move to Mexico) will I really do some good work for the Lord. That mindset is being hung upside down, PTL!!

One of the hugest blessings lately is that even though i still deeply yearn to get married and have children, I am seeing what a blessing my life is RIGHT NOW and how many different ways I am/can be influencing people, because I am single. I hope this is not another cliche post, because I feel i am finally grasping this and knowing/living what it means.
He is giving me the freedoom to go out and create, to pour into, to serve, to be available.....

"Dreaming with God" (Bill Johnson) is rocking my world right now!! My whole being lit up when it brought up education, and how more Kingdom people need to be invading education. I KNEW there were reasons I wanted to teach, felt called to teach, but was conflicted because I felt it was a role in which I might feel very trapped, (after all, it's a profession where I'm investing in future generations), a role where I PERSONALLY would not be able to influence children's lives (here's the curriculum, and that's it..), a role that I might not be satisfied with (staying in the same building, same country, for so long..), on and on and on....
well the Lord cast so much light on some of those lies, and I now see so much purpose and vision into what the Lord is calling me into.
"In reality, each person has an area where God has gifted them to excel and it's the wise educator who discovers that area in a child. An excellent teacher will bring excellence out of the one who can't find it in themselves!"
I'm just dreaming of all the room I have for prophecy in my future student's lives. I have the privilege of finding the gold in students, many who may be Hispanic, many who may come from hard backgrounds....
I imagine saying to them, "I don't care what anyone has told you. You will be unstoppable.....you will succeed....you will invent this.....you will design that....you are brilliant....you are valuable....you are a a joy....."
Maybe they won't see it right away, but maybe they'll see it years down the road when they find it to be true and remember what their 2nd grade teacher said. Or maybe they'll be entering middle school and high school and find themselves in a rough patch in life, and think "maybe I'll go talk to Ms. Omundson."
Ok, maybe some of that is cheesy or unrealistic. But I don't doubt what He can do..will do..when I give Him the room. Obviously He would not have put the teaching desire in my heart since the first day of preschool for no reason. Ha. He is so sovereign and in control it is out of control.
This is obviously not for me. Although I find joy in being a vessel for the Lord, my heart dances at the thought of how much glory I'll be able to give him.

I am excited for every stage of my life. {Given, the downfalls are there to give me opportunities for joy and endurance}. 
I am thilled to be a college student and single
I will be overjoyed to be a girlfriend, a wife
I will be ecstatic to be a mom, staying at home
I will be blissful to be a teacher
I will be elated to be a YWAM student
I will be delighted to be living in a Latin American country
I will be content to live in the United States
I will be glad to abide in a two-story house and an income
I will be exultant to live in a shack with no real income
I will be joyful to be an aunt, a grandma, a daughter, a friend..

I'm runnin out of happy words, HAHA!
You get my point.
Every circumstance, every arena, every season, every stage, every year, every age, every status
gives room to celebrate Jesus in and to make Him known!!!!!!!

Well, congratulations if you've read all this, especially with my 2 am writing,
so I should think about calming down from my Spirit high, so gooooodnightt!

{My food is to do the will of the One who sent me} John  4:34

Love'n'blessins,
Suse

A Lot on the Heart

Sorry it has been a while. A lot has been going on--or at least was before school got out :) Been through a lot with the Lord.....so many things I could talk about...but I am in a new season now, and it feels good.
Spent some candlelit quality time with the Lord tonight and He said I was going to receive these things in this new season:
{Wisom, prophecy, healing, tenderness, obedience, genuine love, patience, and true rest}
WOW! With a catch though...
"....But if you do not abide and do not wish to receive, then you shall not."
That is probably my new key word which my eyes have been opened to.

I've been feeling a litte restless lately again.....I close my eyes at night and all I can see is Costa Rica, Mexico...anywhere but where I'm at. I feel like I have such a gypsy heart sometimes.
I'm yearning for a renewed passion, refreshment, purpose for where I'm at at OSU/Charis. Some days are very fulfilling, but for the most part, I'm just wanting the next day to come already so I can get one step closer to my "next big thing". And I know I will be here for about 2 more years....which is daunting to think about. Please pray with me if you think about it.

Last summer, in one of my usual "I want to change the world-move-far-away-let's-look-up-some-ministries" mood, I found this. While reading through it I got the biggest chills/shivers ever all throughout my body that I knew could only come from the Spirit. I stumbled upon it again yesterday and had the same reaction...and again tonight. This is what it is:

Youth With A Mission San Diego/Baja will run a 9 month Children at Risk School (CRS) January 3rd 2011. Raising awareness, giving basic skills, and mobilizing workers to reach at-risk children are our goals. The CRS is a University of the Nations (UofN) accredited course earning 12 credits for the 3 month lecture phase and 12-24 credits for the 3-6 month field assignment.

The school focuses on disenfranchised children, such as orphans, street children, the handicapped and abused. The course content will be taught by ministry and social service professionals experienced in helping at-risk children. The CRS is for those who want to become advocates for at-risk children. This school will multiply leaders who in turn will champion the cause of children through social, political, judicial and spiritual intervention. Students experience God’s heart for justice, defending the cause of the fatherless, rescuing the poor, the weak and the oppressed. It also has an emphasis on human trafficking and will work regularly in the red light district of Tijuana throughout the lecture phase for hands on experience during the course.


Topics covered during the school may be:

· Overview of the issues and needs of at-risk children

· Biblical worldview of children and their development

· Principles of child advocacy

· Assessment and evaluation

· Attachment disorders

· The institutionalized child

· Child development

· God's heart for justice and children

· Child counseling

· Evangelism/creativity

· Health care

· Discovering your potential

· HIV/AIDS

· Restoration of a generation
 
This pretty much sums up my biggest passion, purpose in life. I believe confidently, Lord willing, that He will bing me here..I just wish it were sooner than later. I'm trying not to think logically (pay ~$3,000 for a school right after graduating...not get a job...etc.) but rather trust in the Lord's timing and not being offended for not knowing the answers.
There's a lot more I want to say but I need to get some sleep...wanted to share this excitement with you!
 
Blessings,
Suse

***Update....I found out there is the same school (both DTS and Children at Risk) in COSTA RICA..!!! So crazy to think that it was so closeby when I was there. Also, the DTS requires a week for NIKO.....this part made me smile...

...It means a 4 day camp in which we will be challenged to live with little, depend on God and one another and survive the jungle of Costa Rica.


1. Walking on trails (easy and challenging levels)


2. Coming across insects, snakes and wild animals.


3. Crossing streams and rivers.


4. Exercises and games.
 
Please God?! :)