Pity Party.

Well, it is 3:15, which might make some sense out of the title!
I have been realizing how much pitying myself has gotten me down in a rut--instead of overflowing with thanksgiving for what I have and who God is.
Let's see, what have I been pitying about?
-"Everyone is going through a "new season" and I feel like I have been stuck in this season forever, not to mention it hasn't been sunny for a month!"
-"All of my friends and housemates are finding their husbands/sig others and getting married...I will be at least 30 when I get married, and I won't even get to have kids!"
-"So and so haven't paid me back all year!:
-"If my parents weren't divorced...."
-"I can't afford...."
-"This friend doesn't even care about me anymore..."

ON and ON! Wow, it is amazing how much you can pity yourself without realizing it.
I remember a wise older lady telling our house earlier this year at the retreat that the best thing you can do when in that situation is to give to others; bless others; love on others.

It says constantly throughout scripture, REJOICE IN THE LORD!
The LORD! Not in how my situation is reflecting my personal desires, how my friends treat me, how close I feel to the Lord....
Rejoice IN THE LORD!

This past month I feel has not been the strongest between me and the Lord. The desire is there to love the Lord, but I feel my strength is not. Maybe I have frustrated myself in not hearing His voice, or not seeing any cool things happen, or just feeling blah. I know what I need to do, but I can't seem to do it. (just like those verses in Romans so well states).
I am a little bummed, because I was wanting to go to Costa Rica so on FIRE for the Lord and to be so strong that any problem would be a breeze. All I know is that His ways are SO much higher than mine, He has a plan for this trip, He is not upset or disappointed in me, and He's always there to give me a second chance.
But seriously....I am sooo badly wanting to impact LIVES in Costa Rica!! If learning Spanish is the only thing I do there, I will be disappointed. I want my family to be saved; maybe a few classmates. I am already asking God for that. Holy Spirit, come over me like a flood through your vessel and do what is impossible in my eyes!
Some fears have been creeping in on me with the verge of the trip: my health, having an emergency, getting lost (there aren't really street names/addresses in CR, just directions around landmarks), having conflicts with my family, running out of money, being forced to drink alcohol, etc! Silly little things if you think about them. But if you think of me please pray for those things!
Not to mention...packing for 6 weeks is a little more overwhelming than I thought :)
Ahh!!!
Ok...I just need some sleep! Thanks for listening to me rant a little.
Blessings on you,
Suse

So Soon

Last Wednesday I finally got info regarding my family in Costa Rica!! I am so thrilled...

both the parents are 41, the mom stays at home and the dad works for some financial service.

There is a 7 yr old girl, Ximena,

And a six-month old boy, Jose Andres!

Sooo adorable! What a perfect fit for me! Can't wait to squeeze him and play with her.

It also said that they were not religious. This will be a hard, but interesting 6 weeks! I am praying so hard that my family will get to at least experience a whiff of the Spirit, and that He will give me the right words to say at the right time! The mom emailed me back within minutes of writing her and they are excited to have me, and she said she already told her mom and brothers that live in this beautiful town in the country, and that she wants me to go with her to visit them, etc.  There is internet in the house which will be nice to keep a little connected:) I will be keeping a blog while I'm there (don't know how much I can write) but that will be at http://www.costaricansusana.blogspot.com/ .

Words can't say how excited I am to go there....only 12 MORE DAYS!!! So crazy.

Please pray the rest of the preparations go smoothly.....I am NOT the most organized and detail-oriented person :) Also please pray for finances and that it wouldn't be a huge burden, especially on my dad. I will mainly be taking out a lot of loans. Trusting our gracious Lord to provide for His favorite daughter :)

That's it for now...just one final on Monday and I'm done with school!! This year has been the fastest by far.

Thank you so much for all your love and support.

Suse

Thought Collage

+ Someone told me the other day, "Lovers get more work done than workers." I've been mediating on it for a while and trying to test its truth. Or perhaps it is true, but is getting work done our main purpose?

+ A few days ago was our Garden Party social event, (where your roomies pick a guy for you, supposedly like a blind date. They make a sign for you and stand on the lawn holding it (or living room this year b/c it was raining) and we all file out looking for our name. Anyways, I went with Jordan and we drove with my friend Kristin and her date/Jordan's friend Andrew. On the way back from the event Jordan suggested we take a minute and listen/pray for the person diagonal from us, if the Lord had a word/verse/etc for that person. It was such a cool thing! We all got different prophetic words. Mine was right on the spot. Andrew said that he was picturing a huge, open field with trees and mountains and that it was a place I could just pour out my heart to the Lord, to sing His praises, to enter the fullness of His glory, to be refreshed. I was reminded that I need to constantly come to this place, no matter how stressed out/busy/depressed I am. The Lord DEMANDS us to rest! Not a bad command :)

+24 days until Costa Rica!! ahhh! Pray that I would be doing everything I need to be doing, and just be preparing myself in every way. More provision Lord!! :)

+Learning to love the Lord unconditionally. Such a new and confusing concept for me. But the Lord has been revealing to me how everything I love about Jesus is based off the good things He has given me. WOW! I realized I was stuck in a rut--realized I wasn't feeling loved when the sun wasn't/hasn't been shining for WEEKS, when I am self-pitying for the things I don't have (trendy clothes, a boyfriend, money, etc.) or when a friend lets me down, etc. The Lord is testing me to see if I will love Him no matter the circumstance and no matter how I feel He is loving me! The fact is, He is perfectly good and perfect in unconditional love, and that will never change.

Am I willing to risk my comfort level to love Jesus more? To sacrifice things I cling to?

+Have been thinking/praying of my future husband a lot and really have been surrendering all my deepest desires, from the broad to the nit-picky, to the Lord. I thought I had my "list" small and open for the Lord--I only had about 5 requirements! To love the Lord more than anyone/anything else, to be musically gifted, to love/be great with kids, to be able to make me laugh often, and to have similar passions/areas/callings/whatever the Lord is calling us to.

The other day the Lord asked me, "What if the man that was best for you isn't musical?"

Hmmmm....gotta love conviction. I know that there's a good chance he will be musical, but if not, he will be even better suited for me--we will glorify Him even more.

I'm trusting Him to be a wayy better matchmaker than the one from Fiddler on the Roof! :) My motto is, "surprise me, Jesus! whatever you think is best".

What I DO know is "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him." -1 Cor. 2:0.

Well, that's it for now, gotta go get ready for our last Monday night meeting of the year. Crazy!

Know that the plans God has for you cannot be fathomed!

Loving Jesus,

Suse

Monday Thoughts

Unashamed was the word that was running around in my head today as I was sitting in German class anticipating the end.
I always thought that being unashamed for Christ was an easy thing, a given for following Him.
But it turns out, when it's just you, or just you and someone else against the world, it gets a whole lot harder.
The reality is, we will face persecution. At our dramas people often laugh and point at us.
The reality is, people will not be accepting and they will even respond in harshness sometimes.
There are times when we will probably feel crazy, foolish, nerdy, stupid, scared, and timid in order to take up the cross and step where He leads us.
Today, nothing really happened, in the physical realm.
Jordan did exactly what he said he was gonna do, and asked for people to stick around if they needed prayer for anything. I'm pretty sure no one did.

Wow. Even though it was a seemingly pointless thing to do, something in the spiritual atmosphere had to have changed, and it definitely made me realize what I have signed up to do--in the big picture. It is the best thing I could ever sign up for, wouldn't you agree??!

A completely random thing is this summer after I get back from Costa Rica
(which, by the way, I leave in exactly ONE month :) I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be in Portland...and I have felt some nudges to apply at the Cold Stone in West Linn (different store, different boss!) So I guess I'll be at home! I had really wanted to stay here in Corvallis....a)no constant traveling back and forth from my moms to dads   b)biking and walking everywhere      c)close to church, where I am really involved   d)living with some friends at Charis  e)being able to hang out with my good friend Amy and her fam, who lives here (my second fam).  f)learning to "live on my own" a bit more   etc.!  But yesterday the Lord pointed out to me
a)remember when I told you these four years [in college/Oregon] had to do with reconciliation with your family?! Spending time with them will actually help this process. Let me do some work this summer.
b)You'll be paying $50 a week to stay at Charis!
c) Your mom will let you drive her car to work
d) The Mexican neighbors...you miss them and need to pour into the children's lives
e) You can babysit sometimes for your old nannying family....
f) You can go to work with your dad and help translate for the workers
g) You can help the Coulombes with the food pantry and translating (Serenity, if you're read this, I am so stoked with the possiblity of helping you guys this summer!)
ON and ON...
Ok God....thanks for changing my heart! Isn't He the best heart changer?!?

Please pray that Cold Stone wouldn't mind hiring me for just a couple months :) and continued prayer for Costa Rica....but I know well enough that our Abba is a great provider...and THE PROVIDER.

Ok, gotta get some songs ready now for meeting but hope you have a super blessed day!
Suse

Jordan.....Monday

This is my good friend Jordan that I've gotten to know through dramas and German class.
Aside from the fact that he is also a Spanish major (and we talk/text in English, German and Spanish), he is crazy talented and plays guitar/drums and records his songs. Oh, and he's radically on fire for God.
A few weeks ago he texted me "what could we do to better witnesses in our German class?"
Yesterday he informed me at the library after class (where some of us do worship/outreach when there aren't dramas) that he had gotten permission from our teacher to make an announcement at the end of class on Monday....for what? To ask if anyone wanted prayer, either for sickness, or just anything....
Yep! So like it or not, I (we) will be put out of our comfort zone on Monday! Please pray....that God would conquer like He always does.
Jordan is humble and loves everyone, as he always makes friends in our class and everywhere he goes. He has grown into a more caring and genuine person over the last year.
He has similar music tastes to me (for example he is the only other person I know that knows of Enter the Worship Circle) and I enjoy worshiping together.
The Spirit is moving radically in Him and we often talk about things like baptism of the Spirit which He is praying for, and he is all over miracles and seeing our campus changed.

It's nice to have a good brother!

Drunk

Hmm...I don't know how else to start this, but...
I can say I was officially drunk (on the Spirit) for the first time last night!!

It lasted from about 8-12:30. I have no idea WHY or HOW but I know that it had to be the Spirit!
Some symptoms:
-going around the house and blessing/encouraging 30+ girls (usually in a very crazy and non-coherent manner :)
-going in and out of a multitude accents
-serenading people with my guitar
-having energy like I'd never felt before--yep, 4 hours going around the house like a mad woman!
-feeling (almost) no inhibitions...I was talking up a storm to girls that I hadn't even really talked to much (there are about 6) and didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable at all
-having an insane amount of joy and laughter!
-sometimes not being able to stand up! and when I was in my sleeping porch before going to bed, I literally fell to the side and barely avoided crashing into things!

Despite the fact that I had a 5 page paper to write last night, it didn't stop me at all! And somehow the Lord blessed that time because I wrote a page last night and am not worried about it at all and it's due in 3 hours.

I don't really know how to react to it- I'm a little embarrassed and humiliated now, as girls keep asking me how my hangover is, but at least I got to encourage and bless a ton of people that I may not have under the same condition?!? Haha.

I guess when you ask for the Spirit to fill you up more, you have to be careful with what you ask for ;)

If anyone has any thoughts about being drunk on the Spirit, I'm game for hearing it.

Surfin' Jesus

WOW, the Lord is good!
It's been a good number of weeks, especially past few days!
I just got back from Lake Shasta with a group of people from a college ministry in Corvallis. Didn't even really want to go--didn't want to miss 2 days of school, pay money, be surrounded by new people, etc.
But hallelujah....God met me there...of course! :)
Don't have much time to say everything.....but let's just say He did some MAJOR refocusing and gentle convicting. One of the speakers gave an example of Jesus being the sun (or Son, haha!) to our solar system, and everything else--all the planets--revolve around Him! I know that in truth there are some areas that DON'T fully revolve around Him. He has been pointing some things out for me and it has been super good to truly make HIM the center of my life!!!
So beautiful to worship God with my sisters and brothers in the middle of a beautiful lake and trees! Made me weep one night at worship to feel Him so fully.
A GIRL IN MY HOUSEBOAT GOT SAVED!!!!! It was the COOLEST thing ever to see her radically transform and hear her tell how she had a tingly feeling all over as she was worshiping and how God finally broke through and she finally accepted Him! Another cool thing....
this is one of my friends in Charis, named Kayla....

And her life has been radically changed! A year ago she was not following the Lord and she was in a completely different place, partying, etc. and obviously just needing Him. She has blossomed so much this year and is soo joyful, beautiful, transparent, open, humble, fun etc. Well ANYWAYS a few days ago (while still at Shasta) the Lord put it on my heart that Kayla would get baptized the next day. (they always do baptisms in the lake the last day). I wrote it in my journal on the top of the page.

The next day (yesterday) I was out in the lake with some cabin mates baptizing one of the girls. About 10 minutes later, after she was done, I looked for Kayla and sighed with relief as I saw she still had dry hair (I hadn't missed it! :) She was out there for a while, even helping baptizing her brother and one of her best friends from Charis. Hmm...maybe today wasn't her day. But I knew it was! Finally, after the pastor called one more time for people to get baptized if it was put on their hearts, Kayla finally relented and got in the H20! My heart was soaring...such a beautiful thing, so cool to see obedience. I remember how hard of a thing it was for me to do, to go up there. Got to pray over her along with our other sisters and it was so amazing to see her pray out and see the Spirit wash over her as she got baptized. Such joy!! And as I told her about the journal, she said, "you knew before I did!" HAHA! Love how the Lord works.

He is definitely romancing me like never before, and I am FINALLY putting some idols to death that needed to be stoned! Today has been awesome so far as I have been constantly praising Him and talking to Him. A little bit ago on my way back from math I told Him something like, "I feel like I am loving you...but can you give me a little taste of what You feel for me?" And I said, and before I get to Charis, preferably :) A few seconds later He said, "ohh, I'm surfing." What the heck, Jesus!?! Please explain. He said that he loved all the waves of love I was sending His way and that He was having a blast riding on them today! Amazingly enough, He said He was pleasantly surprised every time one came His way! I feel like before He had to deal with a pond...not much wave action as I was too consumed with school, eating, working out, Facebook, etc. ! Lord, let me constantly let out waves of love and affection to the Most High who is my everything, let me be content in every circumstance, and ALWAYS have some time and room to give to Him!

Lastly, my life verse in this season for me that I am loving:

Psalm 74:21-26

"Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant- I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.

Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

I desire you more than anything on earth.

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,

butu God remains the strength of my heart,

and He is mine forever."

WOOOHOOO! I have some more stories to share but I must go! The Lord is so good. Blessings to you.

PS> Please continue to pray for peace and provision for Costa Rica! It's coming up so soon! :) (June 17).

Love,

suse