Divine appointment in Newport

I have a fun story to tell. May God receive all the glory!

The last few weeks, up till yesterday, were kind of dry. Not super bad but just not super fulfilling. Not really spending that much QT with Him. Ya know.

Today I had my mom's car and I was gonig to drive back to Corvallis at some point during the day. So many possibilites of what to do, I never have a car! On the way there I just started being honest with the Lord and started pouring out my heart to Him. It's a blessing there wasn't a CD in the car, otherwise I would have just sung in auto-pilot. But it was just me an' Him.
He met me there, and he started singing songs over me, beautiful ones. My heart was being filled and places being healed. I knew that today was just supposed to be me and Him! Suddenly I had an intense craving to go to the beach, just the two of us. Had never done that before.
Then I suddenly decided to call a friend from Charis and see if she wanted to come. She couldn't, which confirmed it was just supposed to be us. I dropped in at Charis and threw some things together, and hit the road. {When I have a goal in mind, I get super impatient and hurry as fast I can to get there ASAP. It's probably a good thing I"m not married yet--I can't be waiting for people! haha)
Also, I was a little hesitant at first to go, because I had been feeling guilty about spending money, even for gas. The Lord was teaching me a load of things today, including the truth that He gives me permission to be extravagant in order to love Him sometime. The purpose of the day just reverberated LOVING HIM--and no one else. I actually kept thinking i was going to run out of gas on the way to Newport. He kept saying, "stop looking at the meter. I'll get you to the gas station." Even though I had to keep checking, He indeed got me there. I filled up, and because the traffic was crazy to turn left to where I needed to go, I turned right, then left into the Thriftway parking lot. As I was about to exit the lot, I saw nearby on the sidewalk an older lady in a wheelchair with glasses staring into space, holding a cardboard sign that I couldn't read because of the size. There was also a fellow a few yards away under a tree that looked homeless.
Instantly I knew I was supposed to talk to them, do something. I had given up more opportunities in my lifetime than I've liked, and it wasn't about to happen again. Besides, I was finally alone which gave me the freedom to stop, and i could easily park nearby.
I parked the car and prayed (a little frantically!) to the Lord. I just asked for boldness over and over, and the Holy Spirit. I asked for words and wisdom. Then I got out, approached the lady in the wheelchair and introduced myself. Her name was Louise. The sign read something like "An act of kindness or charity" implying that she needed some kind of help. As I talked to her, she pointed out her left leg that looked burned, and she explained she had gotten in a bike accident and it had become infected. "I'm out of penicillin, the doctors didn't give me enough penicillin..."
I asked her what she would like.
I first thought to ask her about food, and she agreed to me getting some for her. She mentioned she'd just been eating a lot of garlic and peanut butter. She motioned to Kenneth, the guy, and told me to talk to him and see what would be good for her to eat. I met Kenneth, a person rough on the outside but sweet on the inside.
Sandwiches, he said. And ice cream? I asked. Nah, you don't have to do that.
With a smile in my heart I paced around Thriftway stoked to be able to bless them. A few large sandwiches, apples and Haagen Daz bars later, I first went to Louise to give her the food. She thanked me and before I knew it I was declaring to her that the Lord loves her....that He wants her to know Him...that she has so much hope...(by this time I was sobbing..and that never happens)....that he is alive right now and listens to her....
Right away, tears were flowing down her cheecks, although she tried to maintain a straight a face. "I grew up Catholic..." was one of the first things she said. She didn't have many words, but I could tell something shifted in her spirit. I asked if I could pray for her, and there on my knees I prayed for her, not caring about the strange looks I must have been getting. :-) She was crying some more. I wanted to give her my phone number, and we had a good laugh as I tried to get a pen out of my purse and found melted chocolate over everything (typical). As I gave it to her I also mentioned I live in Corvallis, go to OSU, and her eyes lit up a little before saying she and Kenneth go there for doctor appointments and such. I told her to feel free to call me anytime, I'd love to see them again. We said goodbye and then I went over to Kenneth.
I gave him his food, and sat down next to him. In similar fashion, I started pouring out the truth about the Lord to Him. He also started tearing up and trying to hold it in. He says he talks to God every day. But that sometimes he wonders if He hears him. Yay! A lie detected that I would get to shine His light on. I honestly can't remember what all I said, but I trust the Spirit was talking :-) He was also very thankful and he seemed excited that he might get to come visit sometime. I waved goodbye as I drove off.
About 12 minutes later, as I pulled up to my favorite beach, I looked over and noticed the bag with Louise's food! I was immediately bummed--I was so excited I forgot to leave the food! :-) Immediately I sped out of there and went back to the store to return the food. As I turned into the place where they were, my heart sank as I saw no sign of them.
I told God I wanted to see them again and to please help me find them!
About 5 minutes later, I saw a man in a wheelchair by the Thriftway. Well, maybe at least I can give it to someone. My heart was already aching thinking about just taking off with the food and Louise being disappointed. As I drew nearer, I saw it was Kenneth! I got excited and he said she was just going to come out of the store. Excitedly I called her name when she got out and I handed her the bag. It seemed like a wave of hope had hit her, praise the Lord. "I just wanted to say hi to you guys again!" I said with a laugh. We said goodbye and I ran off to the car (of course I had left my keys on the seat :)
I arrived at the beach and my joy level was off the radar!!!! I was laughing, crying, yelling, singing and dancing to the Lord. Felt so joyful to be used by Him, especially because I was so weak and He helped me. Such a small thing, but in a big way He increased hundred fold my faith and joy!  He was teaching me so much today.
I enjoyed the {wonderful, Oregon, freezing} water and laid on my blanket as He taught me some more from the Word. (that's another post). Then I put on my running shoes and ran as the sunset joined me. It was exhilarating and the Lord was romancing me to no ends.
Here are some pics of tonight:

Praying that He sends some more divine appointments my way; they are way too fun to pass up! :-) He is soo good, may He get all the glory and praise.

Precious Vases

So Jesus has this beautiful light filled room in Heaven that has a shelf in it.

This shelf is chalk-full with a stunning array of different vases, each vase being a dream or desire or vision of my heart.

He doesn't forget about these vases, which is why the room is always lit with a warmish yellow glow.

He is currently working in the garden outside the room, tending to the vast myriad of flowers, multi-colored, of course. He joyfully and diligently prepares the flowers and bouquet that he yearns to fill the vases with. 

The shelf never lingers lonely enough to accumulate dust. The Father brushes it off, beams with pride. An angel visits the room, admiring the vases, which brings Him more glory.  

Sometimes I feel that he has forgotten about my many empty vases---but this is far from the truth.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

{Proberbs 13:12}

The last week or so it has been overwhelming at times to feel such longing, especially to get married and for kids. Sometime it aches in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes I am confused. Frustrated. Bitter. Envious. Impatient.
But lately I have been picturing my shelf, "Lily's Shelf" in the Lord's room where he has not forgotten a single thought of mine.

"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!" {Psalm 139:17}

If you see this

Nollie Fe, Liv Sela, Kiam Bréde, Abel Jaem

Nollie, Kiam, Liv and Abel

on my computer screen, you know I have been dreaming about my future younguns! :-)

With that said, I have been enjoying basking in the Presence and Healing of my sweet Jesus. I know I have a long journey ahead of me, but today He wants to just enjoy the day with me! Ahhhh he has sooo much He just wants to bestow on me, let my heart be open to receive it in grace and faith!

Summer is going well. Busy but well. School, tree flagging, Breaking Free (Beth Moore), good friends, weddings and my banjo have been taking up a good chunk of my life.

Here is a little update of my life through pictures (some a little older :-)

The Lord is relentless.

Well, back to procrastinating! :-)

"Don't you worry honey, life is more than just money..."

I was walking back from Freddy's today and was consumed with thoughts of worry about $$ and how I was going to be able to pay x about of expenses. Then I listened for a sec and heard the Lord sing over me "Don't you worry honey..."
I got all settled in at Charis last night with my friend Rebes in our new room and we went grocery shopping for the first time as independents. So weird. Anyway, although the Lord has been SOO generous and good in providing a job for me, at least till mid July (more details later!), there are still a lot of holes to be filled financially, especially with school stuff, and just thinking about Israel stresses me out. I don't want to live day-to-day in stress and fear.
It seems He keeps bringing me back to Matthew 6 like every day. Today He zoomed in on the part that says "Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs..." (vs. 31)
Nothing I ask or tell Him shocks or overwhelms Him. Disappoints Him. Puts a load on Him that He can't bear. Why do I have so little faith?! His eyes pierces through my life to the needs and desires I can't even fathom. I know He journals about my life every day, His thoughts outnumber the grains of sand...surely He has some solutions up His sleeve! Surely He is my Shepherd and my Daddy and my Portion.
I wonder if I will ever get this lesson down pat or if every time, He will need to teach me to trust. Either way, I am trying to live out "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." (Matt 6:34)
On the bright side, I am already enjoying living here and I KNOW that it is a summer of intense growth, discipline, healthy habits and also fun and enjoying my favorite season of the year.
My bed calls.

Because I need to procrastinate...

I will give you an update! ;-)

Tomorrow, I will...
take my last final, finish my last paper and be done with school!!!!!
go home to see my grandma from Texas
turn in my ISRAEL DEPOSIT!! (thank you LORD)

Wednesday, I will
turn around and go BACK to Corvallis, because I will be talking to the OWNER OF COLD STONE :-) Please pray for favor! I am completely amazed at the Lord's timing in provision.
come back to Portland...

Friday, I will
see my cousin and best friend graduate high school!
meet my baby cousin Mia (and spend more time with fam)!! :-)

It is a good and full week. Thank you for all the prayers that have been sent out on my behalf.

Stream of Consciousness

SOO much has been going on lately...so many thoughts, so many revelations, so many ups and downs....I thought I would just express the ones that come to mind first.

-I'm finding myself right before dead week, feeling DEAD! Granted, I am taking 18 credits, but let's just say my to do list is one whole page long, and one item is "10 page research Spanish paper"....however, just 10 more days till relative freedom! haha

-I've been meditating on what true beauty really is and looks like. I've been striving to look into my heart more often than in the mirror.

-Jordan and I prayed for Blanca on Thursday (our last day volunteering of the term) for her back that was seriously injured in an accident years ago and for eating allergies that makes everything cause her stomach to hurt. She was grateful and open to us praying for her, and although we haven't heard anything yet, I know Jesus is going to start/continue to captivate her.

-I've been convicted of how I haven't been using my most basic gifts this year-- some, for a long time, some, for months. Including: just sitting down with an instrument and making music, my own song to the Lord....writing poems.....etc.

-I just want to KNOW THE LORD. Funny how years go by of "knowing the Lord" and yet you get to a place where you just WANT TO KNOW THE LORD. Maybe I'm the only one. I've also been strongly convicted of leaning heavily on others' revelations, stories, blogs, encounters, talents, and not making my relationship with the Lord my own. BAM. "Draw near to the Lord and He will draw near to you." So simple, yet so often I miss that. I told someone the other day how I just want to have an adventure everyday with Jesus, no matter where it is or what I'm doing.

-Pretty positive I am going to Israel :-) :-) please continue praying for peace and provision!

-Excited about rooming with one of my best friends, Rebes, again this summer! I have seen the Lord transform her life SOO much just in this year it is amazing to watch. Her love and joy for the Lord is so contagious...I am grateful to have a genuine friend like her--she is defnitely one of those I always prayed for! :-)

(Rebes and I at Garden Party, one week ago)

-Taking on more responsibilites for management...realizing more and more how stretched I will be! But also doing things that a year ago I would have been terrified of doing. The Lord is good and knows my limitations. I am so blessed though, to be doing this with my best friend Jules and we have already grown a lot closer through it. We are praying about studying spiritual gifts next year. (last year was Galatians-Colossians, this year was women of the Bible, etc...)

-Also, I will be kind of leading a summer small group with Rebes this summer for girls that are staying here (and there are many!) We will be doing the Breaking Free study!! Part of me is scared because I know how intense it is, but I know that it will be soo good and....freeing. I really need to be challenged this summer and grow a lot....and be prepared for the things He's gonna call me to next year.

-Feeling somewhat hopeless again about future husband, but at the same time not really dwelling on it. Part of me knows that he has to come sooner or later because of all the prayers that are forwarded to God on our behalf :-) Lately, I've really just been aching to have kids. My 21st birthday is next month and already I am feeling older, haha. I am so grateful for how the Lord is protecting me, though. I am grateful that I know WHY I am single. I am grateful that I am so grateful for Charis and that even now I am looking forward to all the new friendships I will make next year in my last year here. I am grateful I get to have fun every single day here, and get poured into and get to pour into.

-Adding onto that, so often i have prayed for my future husband and that God will be working in him. When I was on a bike ride the other day, God gently said, "what if it's YOU I'm waiting for?"  (not him). That was humbling. I still have so much healing and maturing to do. Also in the times when i would think of what my future husb would be like or what he would do for me, I have been stopping and thinking of ways that I could serve him or bless him. It is much more joyous and freeing.

-Looking forward to getting a banjo this summer (Lord willing! :) I have already had so many bits of songs run through my head, and I think, that would be so perfect for the banjo! There are times when I think, music is what I need to do the rest of my life. Feeling overwhelmed at times with my future.

-On that note, I've been feeling exceptionally foreign-country sick lately. I wish I had a problem with homesickness, but it is always the other. Just today my heart has longed to be in Costa Rica, Mexico, Florida, New Mexico, Alaska, Honduras, Cuba and Norway. It is so hard to think about so many opportunities, so many places, and wanting to do them ALL. Meet every single person, visit every single town. It overwhelms me consistently and I hope it's something He will free me from. Even thinking about going to Israel next spring break, part of me is thinking, "Why am I not going back to Costa Rica? I told them I'd visit as soon as possible..."  Then there's YWAM...which i KNOW i need to go to, but I have no idea when. Soo..you get the point!

-Excited to see Oma, my grandma in two weeks after 2 years of not seeing her! Also to finally get to meet my Mia girl in 2 weeks for Milly's graduation!!! :-)

-Well, that's probably quite enough of my heart right there! ;-) Better write another page before I go to bed. Thanks for reading this, and may you be blessed.

Ariana

Through my volunteering experience, I have met a wonderful, beautiful woman named *Ariana from El Salvador.
The first time I tutored her in English was a little over a month ago, and we got to talking about her story (with many difficult parts) and I felt such an overwhelming, heavy burden for her. I sensed opression and hurt. We also talked about her beliefs, and how she and her husband started going to a Gnostic group...it seems a little similar to Buddhism..she talked about how it was "so hard". Talked about mantras and weird prayers and dying to your self. There was then a pause and I felt I HAD to share..that Jesus had to overflow into my words! I got to briefly describe the relationship I have with Jesus and how it has given me life and love and peace. It was one of the few times I have taken the opportunity to just simply share about my life with a non-believer--and it just came out, naturally.
Ariana is 26, has been married for 10, has a few Salvadoreno friends here, but spends quite a bit of time alone. That is about to change! :-)
I then saw her again two weeks ago and I ended up mentioning Cold Stone somehow and she said how she'd never been there. Well anyways, tonight we went!! It was so beautiful...we had no problems talking (Spanish and English, of course :-) and it felt like such an honor to spend time with her even though she was thanking me profusely for everything. She already feels like a good friend. We have plans lined up for going to the movies, going to Pastini's where she works, going bike riding this summer, practicing my Spanish with her this summer (and vice versa), teaching her to knit, cooking Salvadorena food, even talking about her future kids that will hopefully be coming soon :) All this to say, I feel like we will be friends for a long time and that God put me in her life (and hers in mine) for a reason. I do not see her as a project or my "mission". All I know is that I'm supposed to, and that I yearn to love her with the love of Christ and that He will use me according to His will. And He is always faithful to give me the words. I started tearing up on the way home tonight just being so humbled that He could use me to be the person in her life to give her hope, and a taste of Jesus. I am so incapable on my own. ANYWAYS.

OHhhh...how could I forget. So you probably know I have been praying big time for a job this summer...anyways I was telling her about it today. She said very casually that it would probably be no problem to get me a job at Pastini's where she works. AND Qdoba, which is one of the top places I would love to work, because she also has a friend that works there! And I applied at a nearby Craft Store today because the opportunity arose and that also seems promising. I feel like today has been one big "HA!" from Jesus to all the doubts and insecurities I had about His providing.

Anyways, i am one fufilled girl today...rejoicing in His goodness. Looking forward to what tomorrow brings.

Blessings,
Suse

*name changed for privacy

PASS!

I got extremely exciting news yesterday that I PASSED my math re-take test!!!!! Now I can apply for the double degree program in June like I'm supposed to....phew, what a relief! The Lord is so faithful. I  knew, driving to Portland to take the test, that He told me it would be fine and that He would give me favor. Wow, He is so gracious. And not only that, but I got a higher score than my writing score! (which NEVER happens)

His love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.

That's all for now, must get back to studying. Blessings~~~~