Well, it is 3:15, which might make some sense out of the title!
I have been realizing how much pitying myself has gotten me down in a rut--instead of overflowing with thanksgiving for what I have and who God is.
Let's see, what have I been pitying about?
-"Everyone is going through a "new season" and I feel like I have been stuck in this season forever, not to mention it hasn't been sunny for a month!"
-"All of my friends and housemates are finding their husbands/sig others and getting married...I will be at least 30 when I get married, and I won't even get to have kids!"
-"So and so haven't paid me back all year!:
-"If my parents weren't divorced...."
-"I can't afford...."
-"This friend doesn't even care about me anymore..."
ON and ON! Wow, it is amazing how much you can pity yourself without realizing it.
I remember a wise older lady telling our house earlier this year at the retreat that the best thing you can do when in that situation is to give to others; bless others; love on others.
It says constantly throughout scripture, REJOICE IN THE LORD!
The LORD! Not in how my situation is reflecting my personal desires, how my friends treat me, how close I feel to the Lord....
Rejoice IN THE LORD!
This past month I feel has not been the strongest between me and the Lord. The desire is there to love the Lord, but I feel my strength is not. Maybe I have frustrated myself in not hearing His voice, or not seeing any cool things happen, or just feeling blah. I know what I need to do, but I can't seem to do it. (just like those verses in Romans so well states).
I am a little bummed, because I was wanting to go to Costa Rica so on FIRE for the Lord and to be so strong that any problem would be a breeze. All I know is that His ways are SO much higher than mine, He has a plan for this trip, He is not upset or disappointed in me, and He's always there to give me a second chance.
But seriously....I am sooo badly wanting to impact LIVES in Costa Rica!! If learning Spanish is the only thing I do there, I will be disappointed. I want my family to be saved; maybe a few classmates. I am already asking God for that. Holy Spirit, come over me like a flood through your vessel and do what is impossible in my eyes!
Some fears have been creeping in on me with the verge of the trip: my health, having an emergency, getting lost (there aren't really street names/addresses in CR, just directions around landmarks), having conflicts with my family, running out of money, being forced to drink alcohol, etc! Silly little things if you think about them. But if you think of me please pray for those things!
Not to mention...packing for 6 weeks is a little more overwhelming than I thought :)
Ahh!!!
Ok...I just need some sleep! Thanks for listening to me rant a little.
Blessings on you,
Suse
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Sleep is definitely a good thing to add to the remedy list for pitying! ;-) I love you friend. If you can get ahold of the book, "Abide In Christ" by Andrew Murray before you go, it would be worth taking on the trip. It focuses on our ability to abide in the vine and HIS ability to hold us there! Would encourage you, I'm sure. Also, you WILL bring the Kingdom of God because you have the Holy Spirit, just don't worry about what it looks like. Let it look like Love and then let them decide what to do with that amazing, heavenly love! Takes the pressure off. Just BE! LOVE YOU!
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