Thankful...for divine revelations at 2 am

Up until about half hour ago my day was just not great. I was thankful, but I wasn't feeling thankful. I didn't leave the house all day, and I was just being a slave to sin, letting anger and frustration and impatience and rudeness and impurity and you name it fester in my heart. I was even reading the Word with bitterness and yuckiness in my heart. Luckily, while I was on the computer and was needing to cool down, I ended up watching some Bethel clips--listening to Jenn Johnson and Kim Walker speak about various things and even though I had wronged the Lord many times today, He sweetly drew me back to Him tonight (this morning?! ha!) through the messages and a few songs. I remembered what the sweet Presence was like and I spilled my heart out to the Lord. (I wish a day didn't go by where I have to "remember" what He is like!) I was drawn on my knees and the Lord gave me my own revelations. Sorry if it gets a little confusing, hehe.

I kept picturing myself running through a field, I could see myself coming towards me, beautiful and childlike and flushed. I was flawless and there was a flower in my hair. I wasn't striving; I had everything I needed and didn't have a care in the world. The Lord started describing to me how I interact with people {when I am living in His presence}....telling me how my eyes are full of tender compassion for people..when I listen I can almost see into people's souls (which is crazy because I've just been learning that I have a gift of discernment about spirits and being able to sense heaviness from people's past/burdens they carry). He told me that anyone who interacted with me would be amazed, something/Someone would touch them and they couldn't put their finger on what. The words that left my mouth would be gracious and attractive. It would come from a pure heart and mind. I kept hearing "breathing life" ...breathing life into people's dreams, that is, encouragement and spurring people on to partner with Jesus and live out the desires of their heart (can you tell I have been reading "Dreaming with God"? :) Oh, and the encouragement I had for people would relate to them specifically, and that they would come to know that Jesus loves them so specifically and intimately to how they are designed. The next part of the dream was with the people I started encountering in the field, and I got them to frolick in the field with me. Then in my elated state, running about freely, Jesus would cut in and whisk me away to dance with Him (..this is when I started to break down bawling!). Another part of the vision I saw was Jesus riding up from a distance on a beautiful horse and him pulling me on to ride with Him....the more I journeyed with Him on the horse and sat so close to His heart, the more beautiful I became and the more like Him I became. "You are my prized possession" He tells me.
I am just beyond amazed at His faithfulness. Somewhere deep down I feel like He's just gonna want to give up on me. Life after I turn my back on Him x amount of times, so will He.
I have learned that there is no last straw with Jesus.
His faithfulness and mercy is something I just can't fully comprehend on this earth. But I can tell you I have tasted it like none other! And He is captivating my heart like never before, or maybe I am drawing near and listening and abiding like never before......all I know is that He wants to keep whisking me away, away, away from my all my little friends and schoolwork and busy eating and computer and on and on and show me new things, whisper to me the latest revelation of His love, instill in me a new level of peace and comfort....ride on the horsey with Him.
Huh...I just remembered I went horseback riding last week....ironic?........

Please pray with me that I will abide with Him. That I will nail all that junk in my life to the cross and that I can live radically and unabashedly for Him.

Thank You Jesus, ohh sweet lover of my soul. You astound me every day.