Fasting

I have always kind of avoided fasting, because when I do, I feel like I am pouring all my energy into "can I do this? can I do that? am I losing weight? just a little won't matter".....seriously! Therefore I haven't wanted to go into it without my intentions being right.
For a week, I will be Facebook fasting, junk food fasting, music fasting, and even blog fasting to some degree (I spend a lot of time looking at blogs). (Junk food starting tomorrow, Monday, and everything else today).
I feel like I have never needed it more before, and am counting on this time for God to show up--I have expectations--mainly just for Him to do whatever He wants in me.

The main things I will be praying for:
-Release and healing from a habitual sin
-Release of depression, bitterness, shortness that has crept in the past few weeks
-Direction, purpose and motivation in my education
-Self-control--weight-self image issues
-My future--husb, kids, places, jobs, etc.
-Renewed sensitivity to the Spirit, purification of my mind
-Family stuff (parents, joe and ginny..)
-My roommates

Just as a starter :) I am excited for this week. Please be praying if you think about.
I appreciate you!

suse

Singleness~ONE

I thought in order to cultivate more of a thankfulness for this season in my life I would give little snippets of things I am grateful for as I live my life.

I am grateful that....I am constantly in fellowship with believers. I am blessed with 46+sisters, many great brothers, and older, more mature people. This morning some people in my house were discussing how they knew couples that lost practically all fellowship after being married..and I know some too. I believe it takes extra effort to be in community with other believers when married, besides just not having that extra time. I can be here at Charis and be completely immersed with God and wisdom and gifts, etc. that come from my sistahs. I don't even have to make appts, dates, to get my fill in. I don't have to worry about keeping in touch, being out of the loop, being lonely, or any of those things!
Praise the Lord!

You can't go wrong..

when you're wearing the Lord's presence! You will succeed in everything you do, even if things don't go the way you thought or you fail in some aspect. Just a thought i had.
Praise the Lord, I've had a great few days since i last wrote and I really feel I'm riding on His wings...otherwise I would've been left in a ditch a long time ago!

Today I led worship at church for the first time, and the Lord miraculously came. I had no sense of nervousness, inhibition, fear of man or anything, which just shows how much the Lord has grown in me--I totally would not have even considered doing it 2 years ago--He is so good! I am in a place where he is totally humbling me further while still developing my gifting. I can tell He is preparing me for something, WHAT I do not know! I know it's time to stop hoarding what I have that the Lord has given me, and that I am needed...and knowing this helps me to notice and bring out gifting in other people.

This is a song that has gotten me through the week...just makes you sigghhhh and let go!! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6-K7WuY17Q

I leave you with part of my bike ride...beautiful sunset ride with the dear friend of mine shown, Rebecca.

Blessings on your day.

suse

not so good

Lately, I have just wanted to leave the country, get the heck out of here, and do something meaningful and really fulfilling.
My heart is RESTLESS, and not RESTFUL.
Wanna work with the poor, see Jesus in little children, be needed and wanted, live with little to nothing, and impact lives. I feel like I am not really living right now, that i"m in some kind of dormant phase. I don't like it. I KNOW this is a phase Jesus has for me right now.
Why is it so hard to grasp the present?? I'm having such a hard time, apparently.
I have felt like such a failure at loving people, pouring into people, being who I am in Christ, having motivation to do schoolwork, go to school--even doubting the things I thought I was always best at, like teaching, Spanish, and..loving people.
I just really have NO idea what's in store for me...and I know He has good plans, but there are so many ideas, so many schools, so many countries, so many languages, so many people......feeling overwhelmed by possibilities and not resting in my heart.

I want to be a woman who laughs without fear of the future- Prov. 31:25
I am not necessarily fearful, but rather anxious...
Thanks for letting me rant a little and please pray as I am obviously under a lot of attack.
Christ in me, hope of glory. Praise the Lord.

The Longing

Today, I have that deep recurring aching that pounds at the depths of my soul...
my longing for children. If I am not careful, I can let bitterness and impatience and unknowing and frustration and jealousy take place of the great trust I must have in the Lord.
I just cannot escape this longing, it must be so part of who I am.....but now I am exactly where the Lord wants me.

{But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.}
Romans 8:25

Please pray with me for patience and trust!

Soo in love

with the Lord. He turned a dull, lifeless, anxious, boring morning into a joyful, beautiful, blessed day with additional heaps of faith and life!!

Prayed for healing today. About to go on my favorite bike ride with a dear friend and capture the sunset on this beautiful fall, sunny day in God's creation. Worship night tonight. Friday. REST. I praise God for days like these!

Praying for the Son to shine on you as well today. He is the redeemer and restorer of all things, and He does what He wants.

blessings,
suse

Awoken

Today, I just crave to have the boldness and unhesitancy to just be able to go up to that person or pray for that person or talk about the Lord in front of that person and not feel the least bit of fear or shame. To not even care what the outcome of the situation, as long as I know the Lord is control and will be glorified.
There is still so much inside that needs to be stripped down and built up--but the good news He is working within me and giving me more of an urgency.

Today I was walking out of a Spanish class with my friend Jordan and we stopped to get his bike, then we were going to swing by the bookstore area to check something before our free prayer later that day. Not very long after he says, "Soup (my nickname in Corvallis), I know this might be out of your comfort zone, but I think you should talk to that girl over there." A girl was sitting on the curb, smoking, and very focused and serious and sad. "I'm gonna go" and with a grin he takes off on his bike. My heart started pounding and I wasn't exactly sure what to do. Not receiving any words for her, I slowly started walking away praying, intending to come back if I got anything. Nothing profound came to me, but honestly I just felt like telling her "Hey, I just felt like I was supposed to tell you that Jesus loves you and wants a relationship with you." I went home without telling her that, as it was too late by the time I could muster anything up.

I want to be a woman that hears the voice of the Lord and just DOES it--without hesitancy--even if the words don't come right away. The Spirit of the living God is with me and gives me my words...this is just the next step in trusting Him.
I will say that with that little story and free prayer later that day (which I had to leave before anyone came to get prayer) my heart was awoken and a sense of urgency was placed on it. I will admit it: I have been pretty comfortable and lazy so far when it comes to opportunities here at OSU. Yes, I have always wanted things to happen. But now I am understanding it happens in the small encounters and just listening to the quiet voice of God- sometimes a quickening of my heart, sometimes a still, small whisper, sometimes a big banner, sometimes a dose of compassion.
I am just wanting to be a vessel for God like never before. I am drinking in this life the Lord has me in right now, and really enjoying it, despite its stresses.

Shouldn't Be

writing this, but I am a procrastinator to the core...
my mind is so jumbled now but I will give you what I think are the 10 most important things going on right now in my life.
1) I definitely underestimated this term--15 nice little credits=SUPER HARD and SUPER OVERWHELMING. I feel like if I can get through this term I can get through anything. Ok, maybe slightly exaggerating.
2) Still no job yet...keep praying...and wisdom for what I should be doing
3) Reading through the New Testament with my church in 9 weeks...I usually don't like those kinds of things but so far I'm lovin it...receiving so many cool revelations (which I might get to eventually ;)
4) Feeling the most secure in the Lord than ever before....not having a trace--ok, barely a trace of fear for my future, especially regarding my husband. I am craving the Lord's perfect love for me and our relationship. I am putting less expectation, demand, unrealisticness, etc on my husband and am praising the Lord that He is really delivering me from a lot of crap that would have happened if I did things my own way. He is protecting me...goes back to my family name "Amund" which means divine protector.
5) My room is still hard, but is getting better..please pray I would click better with 2 of my roomies. I need extra grace and kindness.
6) I am going to start leading worship at my church on a regular basis...please pray I never get burned out, or overwhelmed, etc....just overflow of the heart
7) I am starting to just really love prayer!! I thought I loved it before but now I am up and at'em (coming from the latest owl you'll meet) at 5:45 ready for 6-8 prayer and worship in the basement! It's been rich..as well as prayer walks that we do with our brother house, Antioch. Quick story: couple weeks ago our two houses were going to different places, praying, and we stopped by Varsity (another Christian guys house, where my friend Jordan lives). They had JUST like 5 minutes before been praying that He would heal the animosity and rivalry etc. between the houses (esp b/w Antioch and Varsity). So the three of our houses went around, praying, and we gathered one more house up as well. Such an awesome unity, and we definitely feel so much more connected to our other bros and sisters in Christ this year.
8) Adding on to that, God is ON THE MOVE in Corvallis!
9) Friday, instead of doing dramas, we will be having a "free prayer" or something like that, sign on campus...please be praying! :) I'm excited to see how He'll show up.
10) Please pray for continued purity of heart and mind so I can see God more clearly. I want to be a vessel that the Lord can't pass up using. I'm tired of being bored and stagnant. I'm asking Him for big things.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for your prayers and your love.
suse